September 16, 2005
A Fiction
Behind the scenes at the OO - Planning the Speech:
"Oh my God, what if they wake up before we get it all in place. What are we gonna do? We have Jeb and the Dynasty to think of."
"Money, throw em cash."
"Didn't we try that? How much do we have left anyway? Paris Hilton is expecting her tax cut, no matter what."
"How about throwing in some houses, federal property. I'd vote for someone who gave me a new house."
"Hold it , hold it. We'll have to dust off the wire we used for the debates-- he's gonna need more than five canned lines for this. Anyone here remember how to write a real speech? "
" Let's hire a democratic consultant."
"What would Jimmy Carter do? "
"Beautiful. Toss in Habitat, ride the Carter credibility."
"Better go God Lite -- some of those folks who've lost everything aren't buying God this week."
"But what about the Fundamentalist Christian Empire?"
"They just got Roberts, and people are throwing big bucks at the Faith Based DoGoods. With that ad on FEMA's website, Pat Robertson's real happy with his take. "
"I did my part. I told them Jesus was coming from the shoe store."
" They're used to listening for the secret code , we'll just slip it in like we usually do."
"The oil companies are on board. They dropped prices back to $2.99, but that's as low as they can go. Their stockholders are counting on cleaning up in the clean up. "
" We can't afford to piss off Big Business."
"Relax, Halliburton and the private armies are doing great, this is land office business for them. Even the private prison system might get a boost out of this, once we start to prosecute the looters and the murderers."
"Yeh and we'll give em some fine real estate, and relax a few environmental laws. No one will ever notice. "
"What are we gonna do about the media -- shit, they're out of line, the traitors. They're taking pictures again. Even though he's looking good in this shirtsleeves in the middle of a bunch of rescue workers -- they just shoot around him. "
"Scott's feeling the heat ."
"Let's see of we can get em off the subject."
"Can't afford to take the risk, they might start focusing on Iraq again."
"How about a sex scandal? Condi will you go down for the Pres?."
"Don't be ridiculous, he needs my consul now, more than ever."
"So it's a concensus. Desperate measures are in order. We're in such deep shit that we actually might have to do something decent."
"It'll have to happen soon -- on location,of course, no comfy Oval Office, no suit. Here's the visual, let's have him standing on the rubble with rolled up sleeves and blue back lighting. That halo thing knocks em dead everytime"
"And W., if we build you a decent, democratic speech, for Christsake, don't ad lib, and don't mention mint juleps. The NICEST thing they'll think about you is that you're an alcoholic. "
Fade out
Personal Commentary: I was shocked. The speech was very good - just like the olden days when we had a president who could string two or three words together in a coherent sentence that meant something other than obfiscation, and you didn't think your government was out to screw you, democracy, the constitution, women and minorities. To what do we owe this sudden change of heart? Deus ex machina?
Addendum: For the first time in months, I turned on the TV to watch the speech commentary on ABC. Primetime followed with three impending national disaster scenarios for which we are also ill prepared. Guess what? Avian flu was right up there with a nuclear bomb in a big American city. They made it clear that there is only one drug that is effective and it's in short, short supply. Tamiflu. I hope you have yours. Actually that's not true, Relenza, an antiviral inhalant, also works, as does Sambucol elderberry syrup.
Apologies from doubters were graciously accepted after the broadcast, even though they were extracted rather than humbly offered.
Photo note: the top of a local gas station
Posted by Dakota at September 16, 2005 05:47 AM