June 21, 2004
The Onion Wedding
The large photograph of the featured wedding in the New York Times this week is confusing, to say the least. At first glance, I thought it a double gay marriage, two couples, and an official, or perhaps the Beatles with a brunette Marx brother . Since the photo is black and white, we have to read the text in order to discover that the peculiar hairdos on the male quintet shown, are blue wigs, in honor of the bride's mother who dyes her hair blue when she drives her daughter (barebreasted?) in a convertible for the annual Mermaid Parade in Coney Island. Okay.
In the smaller secondary picture, the bride's mother is looking on, and we can see that she has had the good taste to wear fairly normal hair to her daughter's wedding, though it may be blue , but we can't tell because the photo is black and white. The photographer, shooting from under nostrils, has captured some fine intraoral views of both the bride's teeth and those of several of her guests. Captured in this small gem is also a lovely panorama of her armpit, well toned and shapely pecs, and the top half of her becleavaged Vera Wang. She looks like she is screaming with laughter. The groom is more subdued. We are told that he does not drink alcohol.
Jen Cohn, a "live-wire" voice-over actress, married The Onion editor, and Most Eligible Bachelor 2000, Robert Siegel . Because of the groom's position, an extraordinary attempt was made to describe the general hilarity of this couple's wedding and their relationship. It was exhausting. I guess you had to have been there.
If I were Jena and Robert, I might be upset, especially if I were really funny.
Our usual vows reporter was not on the scene, however, which may account for the strain.
The rest of the section was a bit of a disappointment, also. Many weddings in June, keep long descriptions and juicy tidbits few and far between. An old-fashioned mom, named Prudence, bestowed the name Patience on her daughter, who is a partner in a same sex marriage. There's probably no connection.
I'm keeping this short, since I am unclear whether attracting weddings into my energy field is really what I want to do. Quantum physics , Buddist teachings , Noam Chomsky , ethical considerations are quite another story. I just thought I'd mention them.
Photo note: This is a picture of the dingle dangle hung on the back of the hansom cab, in which the bride arrived, at the beach wedding. I took the photograph in anticipation of continuing the bridal series. Now I am in doubt. I wonder where you buy something like that. A hansom cab supply store ?