June 06, 2004
Another Wedding Redo, with a Lesson
Oh how I loved this wedding. Linda Tobin, the program director for the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee remarried Stephen V. , Dr. Pepper , a research physicist. (We are told he is not amused by the similarity of his name to the soft drink. Actually, we can surmise that he is not at all a frivolous fellow. While you are exploring this clickie, go to "fun stuff" - "sounds", where you can download a slurp. I would have done so here, but I couldn't figure out how.)
They were divorced in 2001, after having been married for twenty four years, raising a daughter by her first marriage, raising two sons , and differentiating all the way.
A friend of the bride's for forty years commented, "It's that old male-female thing. She always wants to talk and he doesn't." Although they were "often angry at each other", they were both "committed to family life". But when the children left home things evidently fell apart. She moved to New York to take her current job.
They both dated and found the singles scene "bleak". At a single's workshop, Ms. Tobin (I don't think that Dr. P took any of these, but who knows, he seems to be a changed person) was asked to list the qualities she was seeking in a partner. Her list included honesty, dependability, intelligence and family values. "And then it hit her: that was Stephen"! (I think she omitted communicative and funny, but she may have wanted to stick to what is REALLY important).
In any case, Dr. P saw her when he came to New York to visit their son, who was staying with her and one thing must have lead to another. They started dating, and discovered a renewed appreciation for one another. Here's Dr. P's comment "There was nothing to lose. During marriage there is something to lose, so you tend to be guarded. But when we were dating, we could be fearlessly honest."
Dr. P. sounds like he suffers from "Male Relational Dread". Dr. Stephen Bergman , alias Samuel Shem . gave this example in a gender relations seminar, I once attended. A man and a woman are relaxing on the beach together. He is having a very nice time. She spoils what would have been a wonderful day by saying. "What do you think about our relationship?" He panics. Oh God, he knows has to say something, but he also knows he can get himself into terrible trouble with the woman if he says the wrong thing, so he says as little as possible. This strategy either enrages her, or leads to more dreaded questions. Sound familiar? Hopefully Dr. P has moved past this obstacle. Ms. Tobin moved back to Ohio to be with him. They have both made some sacrifices to reenter the relationship.
Ostensibly they are now hiking, biking, going to jazz concerts and discussing their feelings. The children report feeling "shocked", but nicely so.
They are pictured on a bicycle rickshaw circling Central Park, on their way from the ceremony at Tavern on the Green to their hotel, holding a lapful of flowers.
Elsewhere in the Section : Jennifer Delmhorst and Peter Stoltzfus had a great idea. Instead of hyphenating and adding little Delmhorst-Stoltzfusses to the roster, they both changed their name to Berton, after her paternal grandfather.
Bravo! Little McPherson and Belinda thank you prenatally.
Photo note: I thought the wisteria quite bridal
Posted by Dakota at June 6, 2004 05:25 PM