February 28, 2004
Demons, you blockbrain
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"What you fear the most has already happened." from "A Shining Affliction" by Annie G. Rogers.
So yesterday "it" came out of the closet in my ladies group . One of us, conceptualized (out loud) the blocked energy in her body as a demon. Great gals that we all are, we pitched right in to exorcise--- rather, to change the vibration of the blocked energy sufficiently, using sound, and touch, so that old, dense energy patterns, lodged in the body, partially blocking self, causing pain and attracting like energies, were shaken loose --releasing dense, dark energy into the light, where it was freed to express in full consciousness. My goodness, that can be satisfying.
Do you want to hear something psychotic? I said how relieved I was, not to have something like THAT, from a past life, in MY body. Our leader, and probably everyone else looked at me kindly, (like I don't have EXACTLY that problem, in spades), and said "Well some people are here on earth to be containers, and that's an important role too. " "Yes! yes!" I thought with relief.
Well guess what, it later dawned on me that I don't want to be a just a container anymore, so I'm doing this work in order to become a creator, even if it's just creating a little, remote, country blog. The idea is to express spirit anyway it comes to you. Mrs. Fields, for instance, did it with cookies.
Back to my powerful emotional response to "the demon". Did I mention that I had a powerful emotional response? I was spooked. The conceptualization of blocked energy as "a demon" freaked me out. . Why, pray tell? Precisely because I too have "a demon" inside. I make judgements about the primitiveness and evilness of "the demon", when, in fact, "demon" is only a developmental conception. The term reveals at what age, or in what Age, the trauma occurred. Mine happened at an early age --- ghosts, goblins and demons are often the product of a small child's mind. Historically, demons were very big too. Consciousness was not as evolved as it is today, and humans needed a way to manage and explain the dense, dark energy patterns that they experienced. Projection is always helpful in the management of one's own demons too. Ask George W.
I am repulsed by the notion of "an entity" entering my body. My higher self says "What you fear the most, has already happened, dear. What exactly do you think is wrong with you? " Someday I will write about my experience with the intrusion.
So what happens when demon energy enters your body? In order to propel itself sufficiently, demon energy is often accompanied by sadistic, sexual force -- a wish to murder knowledge, insight and soul. The "evil forces" (read bad parent or authority figure, read container of coiled , potentially creative energy gone awry, destroying) get something going that causes the child excruciating pain. The childs fights and fights, but finally succumbs to the will of the sadistic force -- exhausted. And at that moment, the child thinks he has actively chosen the evil, the badness, the demon. Knowing that he is "bad", like his perpetrator, he curtails and inhibits potential creative energy, believing it to be "evil". The "containing", child holds the abuse in his body, in order to avoid doing what was done to him--- being like the bad guys, identification with the aggressor. That dense energy is not available to him for creative purposes. Mostly it spends time inside the container, the body, the person, making messes. Transformation happens when the demon is brought to consciousness, to the light, freeing the energy that it takes to "contain" it, and making it available for creativity and expression.
The good thing about neglected children is that they don't have introjects, demons inhabiting their bodies, coiled creative energy. They do have emptiness and fear of abandonment. I think I have both. There's the part of me that denies. It wasn't so bad. "Oh yea" says the part of me that wants me to know how bad it was, "Feel this pain." "Oh," says the denying part, "That's not so bad. " Yeh
It's very hard for me to go back to the child part of me that was invaded, with love and compassion, and accept that I thought I was the demon-- mistaking projected dense energy for my own, as I encapsulated in my body. I need to recognize that I will not destroy like a demon, I will transform the dense energy, uncoil it and use it creatively. Salvation of sorts.
It's time to release the patterns held by my densest energy. I do not need to worry about doing the dirty deeds that caused the energy to nest inside me in the first place. That did not belong to me. I just introjected it, from a perpetrator (who probably introjected it from another perpetrator.) The choice is either to pass the demon energy along or to transform it. I have a preference.
Posted by Dakota at February 28, 2004 06:48 AM