February 26, 2004
That's more like it
Took me an hour to find the entry where I last published side by side . Now I'm not sure I like the look. Oh well.
While searching through the blog, my internal family was very chatty. (Pardon me for practicing--- use it or lose it.) I must admit that I did not breathe in my whole self before beginnning my perusal, since I was impatient. Impatient is probably a part.
There was a part of me that felt amazed that I have been doing this rather consistently since November, given my crushed little attention span. I do have a peculiar variety of pictures, and there is a shy little part that feels proud of that. That part is shy because it was quickly and efficiently annihilated whenever it showed up in my formative years. Shy is a vast improvement.
There is a critic, protecting the shy part of me from annihilation. The critic used to rule tyrannically, and would immobilize me whenever I stuck my nose out the door. It has eased up a bit recently. The critic noticed that I had published some photos twice, or even three times, (must have really liked those), and that some colors are pale versions of the originals, or at least the way I like to remember the originals --- I know not why. The critic noticed that alot of them are not so great.
I am proud to announce that there is an emerging part of me that doesn't really care. So what. Expression is expression. Do what you can do with the equipment you have. Everyone is unique. Just put it out there and see where your piece of whatever fits into the big picture. You never know. Like the "believe believe" message.
Then there is the completely distracted/disinterested part of me that could not read a single paragraph on this blog, and only wanted to look at the pictures. Probably that is the part with the crushed attention span. Pretty pathetic when you cannot even read your own writing. That part protects me from the critic. You can't criticize what you have not read, right?
Oh, oh I think I called up the critic again. It says that I'm doing this all wrong, giving misinformation to others about Internal Family Systems, and wants to say please go read the book.
My judging part says that this has been a public display of rampant neurosis. It is very glad the blog is anonymous.
Oh self, self where art thou? I'd better go breathe you in.