You have heard of a neglected child? I was a scrutinized child. An only child, the sole object of my mother's projections. Poor dear, she had much self loathing, and, being small, I made an excellent poppet. The only problem was that I was a real child with a real spirit. She so wanted a perfect child to represent herself well in the world. I simply couldn't fill the bill. Believe me, I tried, but I was a little tense.
You might wonder, given these circumstances, how my nasal dysfuction was allowed to persist. It wasn't. I had allergy shots for many years. I still can't breathe through my nose, but now I get hives on my "shot" arm whenever I eat bananas. That was iatrogenic. So far it hasn't been much of a problem, but I notice that bananas seem to be an important staple of senior citizenhood.
Denoument: After my allergy shot at the pediatrician's office in the Fisher Building, we would walk through an endless, underground concourse to the New Center Building, home of Saks Fifth Avenue. It was in this concourse, I had my first experience with self hypnosis - dissociation on demand. I would focus on the terrazzo squares and listen to the resonating footsteps in the tunnel, and get myself into a trance. I liked it. I practiced every time we went.
Posted by Dakota at December 16, 2003 02:41 PM