This is how I understand how babies learn to think.
First, their moms (attuned moms, a rarer breed than we thought) (I certainly do not belong to this group) pay careful attention to their baby's needs. Anticipating and gratifying up a storm, responding immediately to the child's signals many of which are cries. Newborns are so overwhelmed by the barrage of stimuli existence presents, that they need their moms to think for them, and help them to organize their intense confusing feelings. A good mom will wait until the baby is having a feeling, and then respond with a gratification. She may also put language to the process. "Oh poor baby, you're hungry", while she provides the milk. When this is well done, the baby gets to recognize a feeling, and learns that an unpleasant feeling can be soothed and a pleasant feeling substituted. Since the baby has a devoted mother responding to its every need, and needs are fulfulled efficiently, it feels empowered as well.
The next step leads to the development of consciousness. One day the mother's attention will be required elsewhere, and the baby's illusion of symbiosis and omnipotence is shattered. A shocking event. This is where babies whose mom's were attuned and babies who mom's weren't, have a different experience. Attuned-to babies are optimistic about their powers. After getting no response to their impulse, they THINK. They visualize some nice thing like the breast, and perhaps get themselves in a bit of an uproar which they aren't able to soothe entirely by visualization. Then the good mom steps in with the real thing. Bringing relief. Next time the kid might THINK ,"If I visualize the breast, maybe it will come to me". By increasing the periods of frustration in length, the good mother teaches the child to soothe itself until the mother can gratifiy the need, by THINKING. Thinking then becomes associated with gratification. Hence the notion that delayed gratification is a good thing.
However, it is only a good thing for attuned-to babies who can keep a positive idea in their thoughts. For the unattuned, delayed gratification produces rage with no optimistic possibilities. This leads to despair, then dissociation in the period of time the baby has to wait. The little depressive experience that the attuned-to baby has to tolerate when it realizes it lost it's formerly devoted mom, and before imagination and THINKING kick in, goes away. For the unattuned-to, the depression caused by realization of differentiation leads to rage, to hopelessness and despair. And it doesn't go away.
If you were not attuned to well as a baby, you may never have developed the ability to build the bridge to THINKING. That's what happened to me. Take my word for it, building that bridge has been a major restoration project. It's not done yet.
Posted by Dakota at December 1, 2003 12:37 PM